Despite not having had the best luck in the romance department, I am still a sucker for romance and love stories.  That part of me has dwindled as of late, but I still hold on to what is left of it.  Wanting what I seemingly can’t have is hard, but I guess a part of human nature.  People who have it can’t quite comprehend the feelings when you are still out of luck in the romance department though, try as they might.  Yes, they may have fought for what they have, they may have been trough the ringer, but once they stand on the other side shinning in the basking glow of love, that perspective shifts.  It is just how it is, and I probably would be the same if it happened for me.  It hasn’t yet, so I wrestle what my heart is feeling with what my head is saying to do.

K

K

In the dating world, what you want isn’t often what you get.  As an devoted Jane Austen fan I freely admit I am not immune to the charms of one Fitzwilliam Darcy.  I know he isn’t ever going to exist in the real world, since he is only a literary character, but, that doesn’t mean a girl can’t hope.  Not so much for Darcy to pop into existence and into my life, but more so I want that playful courtship he and Elizabeth endure.  It is that guy who is seemingly so very wrong for you, but turns out to be just who you need that intrigues me.  Despite being fiction, that is something that seems like something that can actually happen, granted not all the time, but it isn’t out of the realm of all possibility. 


Surrounded by relationships, it isn’t that I need a relationship to survive, no one I think really does, it is more that I want it to give me something more in my life.  Someone more in my life, someone who is all mine.  I don’t know if searching for it or letting it happen naturally is the best approach.  How can you make something like that happen?  Date after date, meeting after meeting, waiting for something to take foot.  Overwhelming comes to mind.  Honestly, it could take years, decades, and I am not as young as I once was.  The prospect of the search for my Mr. Darcy is daunting and not something I could take lightly, and just have fun going with the flow.  Wasting time isn’t something I like to do; I like order and set parameters with the anticipated goal there for the taking.  Questioning what is wrong with me at every turn becomes easy to do with each date failure.  Wondering why it isn’t happening for me.  Wondering where my happy ending is.  It just seems it shouldn’t be this difficult or stressful, it shouldn’t have be so much work.  So in the end I sit and groan, not really sure of how I should proceed when I feel so dejected either way I go as I seek Mr. Darcy.

K

Having been away from the dating game for a long time, yes indeed over a year and a half, with much trepidation I dipped my toe back into the pool.  And the pool has proven to be more than treacherous.  I decided to go back to an online dating site, which in and of itself wasn’t that huge, it is weeding through the responders that is proving to be my undoing.  I took a chance, and meet a guy from online recently.  Coffee seemed safe and simple enough, and I made the plans on my turf.   Things seemed to go okay, but then things took an aggravating turn, much to my chagrin.  This guy decided that my pace and timidity did not suit him, which in the end proved to be a blessing, but still got me into quite the royal snit-fest.  Who was he to say that, who was he to give me the brush off, after all I wasn’t the one who had been quite so forward!  Alas, it was not meant to be, and I am grateful to have seen the huge red flags before getting too deeply involved.  It is just sad and unfortunate that I deal with that kind of behavior while trying out dating again, although I guess starting out badly should give some hope that things can possibly improve, but the hope I hold is with slipping fingers.  Finding someone, someone decent to share some time with, should be simple enough, and not a fear inducing chore it is more and more becoming.  It is evident that the task at hand is not so simple, and clearly not so fun, and the dilemma of keeping at it or not is just beginning.

K

That old saying “you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince,” is ridiculous, there, I have said it and thrown it out into the universe.  I have to say I find it absurd that in this day and age ANYONE could say that to a single woman with a straight face and be utterly serious.  Let me say this, why does the over and over failure have to be character building exercise when it comes to dating.  I get that you need to find the right man and weed through the wrong ones, but it is said as if it is going to be some fun and jolly good time, which sorry, it isn’t, hate to be the barer of an ugly truth.  Last time I checked kissing frogs was not fun, nor did it build character, it is just plain gross and nauseating.  An endless parade of bad dates, wrong men, and yes rejection from the ones you would have not minded seeing again gets really old really fast.  Being single in today’s world is like a having a second career going on dates interviews for the position of significant other and just hoping to find someone who will give you the position.  It is arduous having to get enthusiastic for another date when the previous ones have gone oh so very well and leave you feeling like you are just the most beautiful and beguiling woman in the universe.  Again, part of me really gets that that is a part of life, meeting people and seeing how you fit, especially when it comes to attraction and an inexplicable connecting with someone,  it is a difficult thing to quantify, but it really can tread hard on a girl’s self-confidence when dating is nothing more than futile activity and leads you down nothing but the road to nowhere fast.  Yeah, there are just enough of us single ladies to make the competition seem daunting and intimidating, but there again is the feeling of “is it them or is it me?”  So yes, I suppose kissing frogs will continue on and ChapStick will runneth plentiful for many ladies, but I am going to take a break and say bring on the prince now.

K