Category Archives: Friends
Cheer Up . . .
Interesting article and topic. Having had a former friend get into conflict with me over attempted “positive affirmations” I have to wonder about all this . . .
Tonight I decided last minute to keep a commitment to go and paint pottery with some lovey friends of mine, despite a week that had its up and downs (and yes, a weather Migraine). My good friend T, just her initial to maintain her privacy, lol, got me to go, and I am so glad she did. I love the pottery place we frequent, and it was soothing tonight to have some time to paint and take my mind off some things. Laughing with friends, and getting some things off my chest, was a godsend this week. I say, when life seems to be getting you down, laugh, paint, live . . . and enjoy a milkshake!
My father and I got to talking about how women fight with each other, and how men fight with each other, and he brought up some good points how different the sexes interact when fighting among themselves. He pointed out that women typically go for harsh words with one another, what I call the mean girl style of conflict resolution. You try to knock the other woman out with you vicious words, make them feel smaller than a gnat, and hope they get the message loud and clear – they are persona non grata! Men I suggest are likely get physical when an issue comes up, and then after that either they might get some beers or never speak again. And sometimes more than likely, men will just avoid the situation entirely, and just not speak to those they don’t want to. It is how the sexes do battle among themselves, and how different it seems to be when you think about it. I noticed this difference looking back to when I was in school, and how boys and girl resolved conflicts typically. When girls didn’t like another girl, they got their gang together, not to physically hurt the other girl usually, but to verbally assault her and make her feel like she was dirt, and make her “disappear.” Boys, I always felt ended up resorting to fisticuffs, and then things would be over and everybody resume your regularly scheduled day. That is to say there are always exceptions to this “rule” and these behaviors, but it interesting to note how the sexes handle these things.
What do you think is typical man vs. woman behavior in resolving conflicts among themselves?
As I’ve gotten older I see more and more how important it is to have those people I appreciate, not just tolerate in my life. I also see I need those people in my life who appreciate me, and what I “bring to the table.” Finding that, and maintaining it, become more important with age I believe. When you’re a child, you can float in and out of relationships with seeming ease. As an adult, that is often not so easy. Valuing those you’ve kept and keep around you means something as life changes and responsibilities increase. Nurturing those people that have value makes the relationship mean something. If you find you are tolerating someone, or they only tolerate you, consider moving on. It can be hard, but there will be more time to nurture the significant relationships in your life.
How do you try to appreciate those around you? How do you appreciate yourself?
Not really, but having recently lost a long-standing friend, I have been doing some thinking about how to end a friendship “properly.” First of all, I think you need to let the person know the real reason the friendship has become “toxic” in your opinion. Do not hide behind false excuses. Sometimes the other person doesn’t really know they have been a problem for you. Second, don’t try the fade-out method, it is awful when men pull that when they no longer want to date a women, same goes for friends. Third, listen to the other person. See if they have been going through something, maybe there is something salvageable if you just listen to them and don’t go off in a huff and righteous indignation. Finally, try to see their emotions in this. It isn’t easy losing a friend, so try to be kind and be honest if you do really need to let someone go. Remember, any relationship typically involves two people, so think about the other person a little, and they might just think about you . . .