I am keeping this short, but I have come to realize that you shouldn’t allow anyone to treat you like trash, and then feel like you need to seek their forgiveness! That is a disservice to yourself, and gives someone else way too much power. When you are treated like trash, do not be misguided in thinking that you need to be forgiven, they should be seeking your forgiveness!
Without a Trace
One of the hardest lessons I have had to learn this year is that you might wake up one day and realize you meant nothing to someone. You invested your time and your emotions in the relationship, and like that they suddenly have no use for you. It is hard for someone like me to wrap my head around that change in feelings in someone else. Suddenly you mean nothing to them, you basically do not exist at all in their world now. Sometimes it can happen because you’ve done something outright to cause it; other times it seems to just be the weight of things you didn’t even realize had ticked them off apparently, until it was too late. I go though the ups and downs of dealing with this realization every single time it has happened. I feel so adrift when it happens, and at a loss for how to set my world right again. The saddest part in all that is knowing that the other person hasn’t probably thought once about me, given me a moments regret, and yet here I am “grieving” for the relationship lost. Seems this lesson should have been drilled in by now, but I keep somehow forgetting just how much pain it causes, and sometimes how long that pain can last.
Cheer Up . ..
Cheer Up . . .
Interesting article and topic. Having had a former friend get into conflict with me over attempted “positive affirmations” I have to wonder about all this . . .
Three Sides . . .
I have come to understand this quote, and how true it is! It seems when things go south, it is especially true. I don’t know why, but it seems we get especially cloudy memories at the worst times, and we are so limited to our own view of things. I have been guilty of only seeing my side, and having someone not see my side and hating me for no real valid reason. Emotions, experiences, expectations all get in the way and I think cause the murky territory. Saying I will not allow it to happen to me is not likely to work. We will always fail to listen to others at some point or other, and fail to have someone listen to us at some point or another. I suppose the best we can hope for is that we are aware and try to not fall into the pit that often. However, sad when it happens, and sadder even when something is lost because of it.
Fight Like Cats and Dogs
My father and I got to talking about how women fight with each other, and how men fight with each other, and he brought up some good points how different the sexes interact when fighting among themselves. He pointed out that women typically go for harsh words with one another, what I call the mean girl style of conflict resolution. You try to knock the other woman out with you vicious words, make them feel smaller than a gnat, and hope they get the message loud and clear – they are persona non grata! Men I suggest are likely get physical when an issue comes up, and then after that either they might get some beers or never speak again. And sometimes more than likely, men will just avoid the situation entirely, and just not speak to those they don’t want to. It is how the sexes do battle among themselves, and how different it seems to be when you think about it. I noticed this difference looking back to when I was in school, and how boys and girl resolved conflicts typically. When girls didn’t like another girl, they got their gang together, not to physically hurt the other girl usually, but to verbally assault her and make her feel like she was dirt, and make her “disappear.” Boys, I always felt ended up resorting to fisticuffs, and then things would be over and everybody resume your regularly scheduled day. That is to say there are always exceptions to this “rule” and these behaviors, but it interesting to note how the sexes handle these things.
What do you think is typical man vs. woman behavior in resolving conflicts among themselves?
Appreciation vs. Toleration
As I’ve gotten older I see more and more how important it is to have those people I appreciate, not just tolerate in my life. I also see I need those people in my life who appreciate me, and what I “bring to the table.” Finding that, and maintaining it, become more important with age I believe. When you’re a child, you can float in and out of relationships with seeming ease. As an adult, that is often not so easy. Valuing those you’ve kept and keep around you means something as life changes and responsibilities increase. Nurturing those people that have value makes the relationship mean something. If you find you are tolerating someone, or they only tolerate you, consider moving on. It can be hard, but there will be more time to nurture the significant relationships in your life.
How do you try to appreciate those around you? How do you appreciate yourself?
How to Lose a Friend in 10 Days . . .
Not really, but having recently lost a long-standing friend, I have been doing some thinking about how to end a friendship “properly.” First of all, I think you need to let the person know the real reason the friendship has become “toxic” in your opinion. Do not hide behind false excuses. Sometimes the other person doesn’t really know they have been a problem for you. Second, don’t try the fade-out method, it is awful when men pull that when they no longer want to date a women, same goes for friends. Third, listen to the other person. See if they have been going through something, maybe there is something salvageable if you just listen to them and don’t go off in a huff and righteous indignation. Finally, try to see their emotions in this. It isn’t easy losing a friend, so try to be kind and be honest if you do really need to let someone go. Remember, any relationship typically involves two people, so think about the other person a little, and they might just think about you . . .
He’s Just Not That Into You – Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo
With those six words I knew I was in for a different kind of advice book experience. This book directed at women stresses something that really is common sense, when a guy isn’t interested in you, you aren’t going to be able to magically change that and turn his feelings on. Amazing this book actually tells us something women shouldn’t be surprised to hear. The guy not calling, not having time for you; the guy who is leaving her as soon as he can but loves you and needs you, probably isn’t that into you. We all make mistakes, with dating and just otherwise navigating this thing called existence. Going after the wrong person, is I guess one of those things that can happen to smart people. This book poses questions from women, often so ridiculous and sad, yet not that unheard of and then presents the arguments women sometimes don’t want to hear or acknowledge. Behrendt is sure to address that, although not desired by this one guys we are just infatuated with, there will be someone worthy and someone who wants us just as much as we want them. Little homework exercises are presented at the end of the chapters, as well as a counterpoint to the argument Behrendt makes, but in the end it comes back to the sense it actually all makes that he’s not into you, once you really take some time to think about it. This isn’t a typical advice or self-help book, because it does have a decidedly comedic and snarky feel, that when a women is feeling down and out from dating torment, can actually provide a bit of fresh air and a laugh when needed most. Absurd as it is, the common sense approach really is uncommon sometimes.