The End of the Road . . .
Recently, actually just officially yesterday I got out of a relationship of a few months. Okay, only about two and half months. It wasn’t a mutual decision, it wasn’t something I was ready for. I had had the intuition a few weeks back it was going south, but chalked that up to insecurity and inexperience. Loss, in whatever manner it hits can send a person reeling, and looking for somewhere, anywhere to find purchase. I liken it to the fears I imagine being in a car accident would bring. Out of nowhere, hit with how to deal and manage this! How to survive this! A relationship ending, be it romantic or a friendship, means that anticipated companionship is gone, removed from existence. And when that end comes out of nowhere, and when it’s not a mutual decision, it smarts! The questions of why, what could have been different, where did it go so bad, start racing through the mind, especially if it was a romantic relationship. The end means the hopes or desires for any future are dead, gone, and buried. Yes, there is still the chance, given some time, that renewed hopes and desires will be found, but when hit with the immediate removal of those things, it isn’t easy to see. Getting invested in someone is bound to happen, and there is so much good and joy that comes with that, with a flip side of bad and pain that can result too. I am not someone who can trust easily, and that is the part that seems so difficult to accept, having allowed someone in and having that trust betrayed. Having someone you’ve let in throw that trust and openness back in your face like it was worthless that you gave them anything of yourself. The plain and simple fact that when the time, hopes, desires, etc. invested go nowhere, are ripped away, it isn’t going to produce joy or peace No, it’s loss plain and simple. Yes, starting over again is the rational and reasonable thing to do, but there is still pain, humiliation, despair, anger, confusion, and hopelessness in the immediate future. It appears the term heartache is appropriate, if not literal, it is more than adequately descriptive.
Signs, Signs, How to Read ‘Em
Reading signs is so important. They get you where you need to know on the road, and in life. When it comes to subtle sings of my fellow human, especially human males, I am at a loss. The difference between friendliness and true interest is beyond me, even after all my years. I like to think I observe, and I am aware there are people at ease with strangers, who just have a way of being open, friendly, and inviting. Then there are the people with the clear message to STAY AWAY! However, it is the want to get to know you more sign that is most boggling to me. I tend to not want to jump to that explanation, so I just let it pass me by. Clearly, there is an important reason to differentiate, but it is an ability that appears eludes me. It deserves some study and thought as a plan to address this deficiency in my arsenal of superpowers, this should be interesting ;0)
He’s Just Not That Into You – Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo
With those six words I knew I was in for a different kind of advice book experience. This book directed at women stresses something that really is common sense, when a guy isn’t interested in you, you aren’t going to be able to magically change that and turn his feelings on. Amazing this book actually tells us something women shouldn’t be surprised to hear. The guy not calling, not having time for you; the guy who is leaving her as soon as he can but loves you and needs you, probably isn’t that into you. We all make mistakes, with dating and just otherwise navigating this thing called existence. Going after the wrong person, is I guess one of those things that can happen to smart people. This book poses questions from women, often so ridiculous and sad, yet not that unheard of and then presents the arguments women sometimes don’t want to hear or acknowledge. Behrendt is sure to address that, although not desired by this one guys we are just infatuated with, there will be someone worthy and someone who wants us just as much as we want them. Little homework exercises are presented at the end of the chapters, as well as a counterpoint to the argument Behrendt makes, but in the end it comes back to the sense it actually all makes that he’s not into you, once you really take some time to think about it. This isn’t a typical advice or self-help book, because it does have a decidedly comedic and snarky feel, that when a women is feeling down and out from dating torment, can actually provide a bit of fresh air and a laugh when needed most. Absurd as it is, the common sense approach really is uncommon sometimes.
You’ve Lost that Lovin’ Feelin’
Seems despite some nudges and suggestions I just can’t get myself back into the game, i.e., the dating game. When something feels like a losing proposition I am not that keen on keeping at it. I am stubborn to a fault, absolutely, but feeling like a fool I won’t suffer gladly. The more negative evidence I see and experience, the more I just say to my self, take a step away and abort the mission, because trying has been as much of a failing proposition as not trying. It doesn’t mean it has to be a lonely existence, there are things going on in life that do take up my time and thoughts. It is only in the more quiet and sedate moments that it is a bit rough standing alone, and hearing the ups and downs of some of my friends in relationships that gets my wistfulness kicked up a notch.