The End of the Road . . .
Recently, actually just officially yesterday I got out of a relationship of a few months. Okay, only about two and half months. It wasn’t a mutual decision, it wasn’t something I was ready for. I had had the intuition a few weeks back it was going south, but chalked that up to insecurity and inexperience. Loss, in whatever manner it hits can send a person reeling, and looking for somewhere, anywhere to find purchase. I liken it to the fears I imagine being in a car accident would bring. Out of nowhere, hit with how to deal and manage this! How to survive this! A relationship ending, be it romantic or a friendship, means that anticipated companionship is gone, removed from existence. And when that end comes out of nowhere, and when it’s not a mutual decision, it smarts! The questions of why, what could have been different, where did it go so bad, start racing through the mind, especially if it was a romantic relationship. The end means the hopes or desires for any future are dead, gone, and buried. Yes, there is still the chance, given some time, that renewed hopes and desires will be found, but when hit with the immediate removal of those things, it isn’t easy to see. Getting invested in someone is bound to happen, and there is so much good and joy that comes with that, with a flip side of bad and pain that can result too. I am not someone who can trust easily, and that is the part that seems so difficult to accept, having allowed someone in and having that trust betrayed. Having someone you’ve let in throw that trust and openness back in your face like it was worthless that you gave them anything of yourself. The plain and simple fact that when the time, hopes, desires, etc. invested go nowhere, are ripped away, it isn’t going to produce joy or peace No, it’s loss plain and simple. Yes, starting over again is the rational and reasonable thing to do, but there is still pain, humiliation, despair, anger, confusion, and hopelessness in the immediate future. It appears the term heartache is appropriate, if not literal, it is more than adequately descriptive.