You Ought to Be in Pictures

Deep dislike of being photographed you say, oh, I get that. I am not a fan of those chest-out-duck-lips-posing-in-the-bathroom photos so very popular with women these days. When the camera comes out I cringe and simply want to be ignored, or better yet remain behind the camera. Don’t push, don’t ask, just let me be, I don’t want my picture taken. I can pinpoint the precise moment, incident, etc. that induced this shyness phobia. Funny thing is, as a young girl I was a bit of a ham and didn’t mind being playful in front of the camera, but that changed and I never felt relaxed in front of a camera again. It was pretty much when my Thyroid condition started around 6th Grade and I was being teased in school for my appearance, and then seeing pictures of myself was a horrifying experience on top of that! The photographic evidence of everything that was physically wrong is painful to remember and relive. Somehow I have gotten caught up in that place, and the associations of that period and of the “me” I was when I was sick and being photographed today isn’t a pleasant experience I believe because of those associations. I don’t want to see the photo and have to take in what I don’t like seeing there, as I had to as child when I saw photos of myself. I was a slightly more outgoing, social child prior to all that, and then suddenly the shell thickened and remains today most likely because of those experiences. Confronting that is something to work on, and expressing where it comes from and what triggers those emotions is powerful. Sure, one little post isn’t a cure, but it’s a start and it always feels good to express those inner emotions and turmoils.
K
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Posted on 07/17/2012, in Deep Thoughts, Life Bits. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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