Category Archives: Deep Thoughts

Appreciation vs. Toleration

As I’ve gotten older I see more and more how important it is to have those people I appreciate, not just tolerate in my life. I also see I need those people in my life who appreciate me, and what I “bring to the table.” Finding that, and maintaining it, become more important with age I believe. When you’re a child, you can float in and out of relationships with seeming ease. As an adult, that is often not so easy. Valuing those you’ve kept and keep around you means something as life changes and responsibilities increase. Nurturing those people that have value makes the relationship mean something. If you find you are tolerating someone, or they only tolerate you, consider moving on. It can be hard, but there will be more time to nurture the significant relationships in your life.

How do you try to appreciate those around you? How do you appreciate yourself?

K

How to Lose a Friend in 10 Days . . .

Not really, but having recently lost a long-standing friend, I have been doing some thinking about how to end a friendship “properly.”  First of all, I think you need to let the person know the real reason the friendship has become “toxic” in your opinion.  Do not hide behind false excuses.  Sometimes the other person doesn’t really know they have been a problem for you.  Second, don’t try the fade-out method, it is awful when men pull that when they no longer want to date a women, same goes for friends.  Third, listen to the other person.  See if they have been going through something, maybe there is something salvageable if you just listen to them and don’t go off in a huff and righteous indignation.  Finally, try to see their emotions in this.  It isn’t easy losing a friend, so try to be kind and be honest if you do really need to let someone go.  Remember, any relationship typically involves two people, so think about the other person a little, and they might just think about you . . .

K

Don’t Believe the Hype . . .

It has been pointed out to me that being a negative personality, or bringing your woes continually to someone can push them away.  I admit, yes, this can prove true.  However, there are people who seem in need of constant lauding in their life, and that grows equally draining and irksome.  These people seem to need to have every accomplishment high-fived and celebrated.  They keep a “yes crew” around them who can give them that needed praise at any given moment.  That need for adulation grows weary, and friendship will not likely survive the moment the required praise fails to come, or their supposed “greatness” comes into question.  So yes, while the woe is me person grows tiresome, the inflated egomaniac can suck all the oxygen out of the room.

K

Glass Houses and Stones

There is an expression that those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.  I have to say that expression resonates with me.  As easily as a person can sit back and observe and critique someone else’s life and choices, it has to be remembered that those judgments and/or critiques offered should come with a warning to the giver!  It is simple to sit back as a third-party and have an opinion, but to be offended or get angry when the advice given isn’t taken well baffles me, especially when said advice isn’t asked for or sought out.  I know as humans we make judgments, but to expect fellow sentient beings to just gladly take whatever observations are offered is naïve.  Sometimes remember to expect that people might not take kindly to well-intended advice.  The person might not be ready to accept the “truth”, there might be things as an outside observer is not aware of, sometimes people just don’t want advice.  I think it is always good to be thoughtful when giving advice, and to remember that the hand you “feed” could bite back.  So I try to think about that old expression, and stop to ask myself, am I ready to throw that stone, is my house is made of strong enough glass, should I really risk it?

K

What You Got Till It’s Gone . . .

There is a song, Big Yellow Taxi, with the line “don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know what you got till it’s gone . . .”  Well, I think there is some real truth to that.  Often times we take for granted the moments and time we have, with loved ones, friends, etc.  It is a strange thing how we let that happen and often fail to appreciate what we have right now.  The constant yearning and search for the next great thing, the next better thing, doesn’t allow us to really appreciate or make the most of what is right there.   It is sad that this is the case, why can’t we let go and say yes, this moment, this person, this is where I should be and enjoy it.   I suppose it takes some effort to do that, not be in the constant search for the next, better, brighter, nicer, etc.  A life lived like that seems to be missing something to me.  It isn’t that we should stop striving and hoping, but I think opportunities and happiness are missed out on when you live in that constant “searching” state, and never take in the moment and those around you now.  Just my thoughts :0)

K

A Change Will Do Me Good

I am not a fan of change, yes sir, no thank you.  I like the comfort of routine and the known, the strange and unfamiliar is terrifying.   However, I am seeing, over the past few years that the word change has slowly entered my vocabulary.  It is little things like trying a few new foods, getting out and joining something I didn’t think I would, singing karaoke, and attempting boldness and stating what I want (something I’ve been uncomfortable with).   I am a Taurus, and it’s funny because as silly as astrology may seem, I read about astrology and the traits seem to fit.  I am steadfast in my opinions, and no one can make me do anything I truly do not want to.  Making a change or doing something is my own choice and comes when I want it.  So, I take it as a growth that I am finding ways to shape further who I am and what I want in life, while staying true to who I am.  I don’t think anyone should be someone they aren’t, but I am learning more and more what kind of woman I am, and that’s no bull.

K

This Time It’s Personal

I am tired of hearing “don’t take it personally!”  It’s a load of crap!  When you say and do things to others, it does affect someone.  In this digital age of texts, IMs, faceless posts on social-networking sites, etc. we seem to have forgotten that fact.  It amazes me that the phrases “don’t take it personally,” “it’s nothing personal,” or “it’s not you, it’s me,” are somehow all encompassing magic words that beg and expect forgiveness for behavior.  Somehow those words make it okay, and the offended should shut up and move on, because it’s been made okay, it’s nothing personal after all.   Yes, I am a sensitive person, so sue me, but I take it to heart when someone is negative or hurtful towards me.  I regret it when I have hurt someone, I agonize over it.  It appears I am the exception and not the rule.  I think it needs to be remembered that the pen is mightier than the sword; it seems that the thumb, fingers, and tongue are also mightier than any sword as well.  Kids and bullying is getting national attention, the underlying message is that the way someone is treated can have a profound influence on them.  We strive to right these grandiose injustices of this world, the inequalities, and yet don’t seem to think about basic human decency or tact in our interactions at the core of morality and just treating people decently.  Treat others how you want to be treated, easy enough, golden rule and all, but seems it is lacking these days.

K

Solo Soul

Reflection is a daunting and scary thing.  Reflecting on dating history can be a trauma inducing exercise.  Looking back on my past, past choices, past mistakes, past everything has made me  rethink what I once truly hoped and believed to be possible, or more so hoped to be possible – Soul Mates.  Yes, a word that conjures up happy endings and life long joy with that one special person.  Well, it’s around, I see people I suppose I would classify as soul mates.  People who seem to naturally fit with each other and seem to have found their better half.  Although, I know outside observers are not always privy to what happens behind closed doors, but nonetheless I see those happy couples.  What is often overlooked, are those who seem to continue to never find that.  Are we making a mistake but not looking hard enough, looking too hard, which way is just right?  Should you  take every chance at a date, a new match?  Should you just focus on anything else and it’ll just happen??  Well, what if, just what if, some of us are not made to have lasting love, a lasting partnership?  What if some of us must journey life on our own without someone making our heart skip a beat, making our pulse race, making us feel like anything is possible?  I pose these questions because when you are looking, every failed attempt, and every time you weren’t chosen just gets harder with each time it happens again.  It is less of a badge of courage, and more a feeling of what the hell is wrong with me?  If you stop looking, well, deep inside you’ve done it for a reason, so as you go along living your life, you’re still alone and it still has to hit hard every once in a while.  I suggest there are some, and these souls I propose are the Solo Souls.  Floating along at their own pace, living their life, never coming to find that someone special, no matter how many times they try to say to themselves there is someone out there.  Solo Souls aren’t bad, it’s not negative, it’s just some of us aren’t the right match for anyone, and no one is the right match for us.  I say here and now, I may very likely be a Solo Soul!

K

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