Category Archives: Deep Thoughts

The End of the Road . . .

Recently, actually just officially yesterday I got out of a relationship of a few months.  Okay, only about two and half months.  It wasn’t a mutual decision, it wasn’t something I was ready for.  I had had the intuition a few weeks back it was going south, but chalked that up to insecurity and inexperience.  Loss, in whatever manner it hits can send a person reeling,  and looking for somewhere, anywhere to find purchase.  I liken it to the fears I imagine being in a car accident would bring.  Out of nowhere, hit with how to deal and manage this!  How to survive this!  A relationship ending, be it romantic or a friendship, means that anticipated companionship is gone, removed from existence.  And when that end comes out of nowhere, and when it’s not a mutual decision, it smarts!  The questions of why, what could have been different, where did it go so bad, start racing through the mind, especially if it was a romantic relationship.  The end means the hopes or desires for any future are dead, gone, and buried.  Yes, there is still the chance, given some time, that renewed hopes and desires will be found, but when hit with the immediate removal of those things, it isn’t easy to see.  Getting invested in someone is bound to happen, and there is so much good and joy that comes with that, with a flip side of bad and pain that can result too.  I am not someone who can trust easily, and that is the part that seems so difficult to accept, having allowed someone in and having  that trust betrayed.   Having someone you’ve let in throw that trust and openness back in your face like it was worthless that you gave them anything of yourself.   The plain and simple fact that when the time, hopes, desires, etc.  invested go nowhere, are ripped away, it isn’t going to produce joy or peace  No, it’s loss plain and simple.  Yes, starting over again is the rational and reasonable thing to do, but there is still pain, humiliation, despair, anger, confusion, and hopelessness in the immediate future.  It appears the term heartache is appropriate, if not literal, it is more than adequately descriptive.

K

Haters Gonna Hate

As the expression goes, haters gonna hate.  Funny thing is I realize my worst critic; where the absolute harshest criticism comes from, is from me.  I find that when it comes to a harsh critique, no one tops what I have to say.  Feeling the need to judge myself, I analyze and scrutinize for no good reason, it just comes naturally.  I have to think others are judging themselves as well, so they don’t really have time to judge me, and why do I bother worrying so much.  Overcoming that mindset takes determination and some strong will for sure, I have been doing it for so many years.  It is a negative process that doesn’t do any good in the long run.  Judging ourselves turns in to a harmful process when we allow the negative and bad overwhelm and take center stage.  Finding a new thought process and a new way to approach that impulse is key to finding a way out of that harmful self-critical mode.  So, this hater isn’t gonna hate anymore, or at least try not to :0)

K

The Simple Life

A friend had shared a post with me a while back about getting back to basics essentially, and finding your happiness.  I’ve wavered and debated about it for a while, and am deciding to reflect upon it here and now.  I intend to get back to what I want to fulfill me in this life.  I enjoy my time with family, friends, reading, blogging, and just digging in and enjoying simple days.  Worrying about things I cannot change will always press down on me, I will always want to make sure I am doing it right, but I also have to enjoy what is simply right there for me now.  Sometimes you have to embrace that simple pleasure and just go with it, follow it to its conclusion.  Happiness and contentment are always there, if you just know where to look, and oddly enough sometimes you don’t have to look far.  Get back to the simple life.

K

Try Again Tomorrow

Recently I heard someone suggest when feeling down because of a mistake or wrong step, to think about tomorrow and just try not to make that mistake again.  She said the mistake was over and done, it couldn’t be undone, which is true.  It is tomorrow you have to live for, not yesterday.  The past can’t be undone, really it is best to live for the here and now, hoping for the future.  I was surprised by who this advice came from, but I have found myself thinking it might not be all that bad of a mantra.  So, I take this advice and hope to put it to some good practice from now on myself, to embrace what is coming and not what was . . .

K

The Simple Things

Raindrops on roses, and whiskers on kittens . . . not really, but it is the little things in life.  Taking a moment to appreciate what is good and what is right with the world around me is something I forget to do quite often.  Weighed down by the day to day concerns of life, makes appreciating what is going well in my life  hard to do sometimes.  Thanksgiving comes in the next few months, and the idea of taking stock of things to be grateful for should be taken beyond that one day.  Noticing the things I can appreciate may just be a great way to ease some of the more difficult things that come my way.  I am a known worrier, so any strategy to cope is worth a try.  Sounds a bit silly I guess, but I’m giving it a go starting today, just taking simple stock for a few minutes by seeing what is good or right with my world.

K

Miss. Fix-It-All

I tend to be one of those people who like to solve problems, and I am quite stubborn about it.  Whatever the problem, computer problem, life problem, work problem,  I want a solution!  The only real problem is I don’t think I tend to let others help me as often as I should, or even seek or take the help of others.  I feel more than willing to ofter my help when I can, and in any way I can, but for some reason can’t take the same from others.  If it’s some computer problem, I don’t want anyone else to deal with it, let me handle it.  Life problems, I just don’t sometimes want to share, and if I do unload my problem, I still think I gotta take care of this.  That fact probably makes dealing with things more difficult than it should be.  Letting someone help, wanting someone’s help isn’t a sign of weakness, I know I shouldn’t see it as such, but it isn’t that easy for me to give in and seek out someone.  It is just something I think I will have to learn to get over.  It’s what having people in your life is for, to be there in good and bad, and to help when you need it.

K

Accentuate the Negative, Make that the Positive

At lunch today with Steph, a/k/a KitchenKM we got to talking and insecurities came up.  I thought a lot about what creates insecurities and I realized that it is so easy to get bogged down by the negative things tossed your way, that sometimes the positive gets squashed down to oblivion. Why do people do that to themselves?  I know I am guilty of it.  Sometimes it seems easier to recall the bad that has been flung at me, that the good becomes increasingly nonexistent.   I can’t understand why it is so easy to remember the bad over the good.  Negative reviews, opinions, feedback are recalled with a crystal clear memory; the good or positive compliments received get sent out into the ether to be forgotten.  It is something I hope to stop doing, now that I have given it some thought.  Accentuate the positive!

K

What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger

It continually amazes me to think of the things life throws my way, and like a trooper one must soldier on.  Trying times, dark times, lonely times, those are the times that try the heart, mind, and soul.  Bloodied and battered from battle, it feels as if it will never end and enemy advance will deal the final blow.  However, once that time has passed, the battleground is cleared, and hopefully left standing to fight again, I am stronger.  I don’t know what it is, but seeing others around me, and experiencing what I have in my life, I see that this can be the case.  Things are thrown my way, taking control and fighting to see another day is all I really can do.  If other people have done it, why can’t I.  The pain, struggles, heartache in life are tumultuous and defy explanation for a concrete reason why, but the good and happy in life is made better, stronger, and brighter because of that.  It sounds like trite and as if Pollyanna is speaking when I say all this, but it is a way to look past the dark times, and see what lies ahead.  The past is history, we have the present to live, and and a future to shape and make our own.

Are there sad, dark times you are grateful for?  Something that was painful but brought you to a greater happiness?

K

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