You Ought to Be in Pictures
Rain, Rain, Go Away!
The rain came earlier than usual today, and it seems nothing else is new besides rain. It was a soggy June, and now a soggier July here in Florida (actually even May had quite a bit of rain). Afternoon rain is typical, but this is getting serious seriously ridiculous. I can’t help but feel waterlogged, and really want to dry out! Tropical Storm Debby rolled through the last week of June, but it has felt like a never-ending monsoon has descended and has no intention of leaving. So life continues in its soggy, summer way here in Florida, testing what Floridians are truly made out of, which apparently is a lot of water!
Yogurt, Blogs, and Rain
Today I was spontaneous, yes, moi, and did something spur of the moment! I went to a blogger meeting with fellow lady bloggers in our area. It was nice, if not a bit intimidating, since I feel kind of like an amateur. Meeting at a local do-it-yourself frozen yogurt place was fun, and close by, so good for a Sunday outing when it is rainy season. Arriving early, of course, only uped my anxiety level as I waited for the others to arrive, hoping I would have something productive to say. I, of course, spilled some yogurt on myself, and my raincoat, so it went much as I expected; I was utterly graceful and delicate! This go round I simply wanted to take things in, my usual style for sure, hoping to get a feel for things and the fellow lady bloggers. It was amazing seeing other women who enjoy blogging, and about so very different topics. I was inspired once I came home to create a business card to go with my blog design. It is a great, easy way to share your info on the go, and it is pretty easy to DIY also. So, I have taken my first lesson from a blog meetup, and just add it to the others shared along the way. As she reminded me, blogging is about self-expression and meeting other people, where judgement isn’t passed and being true to yourself is all that is expected. Overall it was a nice, albeit rainy, Sunday in my world, and figured I would share that I feel like I have gained some inspiration and insight as I navigate my life, and my blog. Not a bad days work, that’s for sure! And remember, bring your raincoat, it’s July in Florida ;0)
K
A Lady and Her Vamp
Okay, so I admit I am a Twilight fan. I love the books, have seen the movies, and I’m hooked. In all truth I wasn’t into the vampire thing prior to that. Anne Rice and her vampire world weren’t my thing. Bram Stoker, eh, not so much. Funny, it is the little ‘tween novel that turned on my passion. It is just something about the intensity and passion of vampires I started to be intrigued by. Passion and intensity are powerful, and make a great story and pull me in. Those characters and stories awakened something in me, something more than I though was there to be honest, passion and desire wise. I know Twilight is arguably a very sanitized version, but it suites me and I have found I can veer into the paranormal with a little more ease these days, since I am also a fan of The Vampire Diaries TV show, and get sucked in, pun fully intended, to the weekly drama and, yes, sexy romance. Something about being desired, granted not by some sparkly vegetarian or vicious killer, but having someone passionate about me just sounds amazing. Am I crazy for wishing that, hummm, I think deep down many, if not most, woman have the fantasy of being desirable and cherished by someone. It fills a need in me to read stories like that, not that I expect real life to match up, but it is fun for a fantasy. I can keep the hope I suppose, to one day find that passion for myself. Reading about it for now will have to suffice, and get me through. And I think every lady can use a little passion, and yes, vamp, in her life every once in a while :0)
K
Confidence Boost
As a self-
professed and unabashed “Book Geek” I admit that I find myself usually most comfortable and passionate when speaking about books, otherwise I find I am severely lacking self-confidence or self-assurance, and grapple with being a severe introvert. Dealing with most social situations always revs up my anxiety level to unprecedented levels. Worry overtakes me, and I find any relaxation, or enjoyment, hard to muster. It isn’t so much that I dislike being in a social situation, it is more that my concerns and insecurities far outweigh any ease I try to feign. I do a little better one on one, but when surrounded by a larger group, it isn’t pretty. It is an unease of how to fit in, where to place myself, what to contribute that hinders my bravery. Oh, certainly the adage of “be yourself” comes to mind, but it is hard advice when you fear people won’t like the “yourself” you are. There are people I see so at ease when sharing with a group, leading a group, etc. and I envy that.
In my bookclub I recently had to take the reigns in our discussion and felt pretty useless, even though it was about a book. I am far better at sharing my thoughts about the current book when I don’t have to worry about leading, otherwise I am a bundle of nerves. Even when I am just sharing I am questioning myself; am I talking too much, making an absurd point, being rude! Recently, when I went to hang out at a good friend and fellow blogger KitchenKM’s game night, relaxing wasn’t so easy, especially early on. I felt awkward and kind of clammed up. Then as we played the game, I think I got kind of snippy when I had to be silly in the game that was meant to be fun and easy going. I feel like a pretty uncoordinated and unimpressive figure to begin with, and acting silly or uninhibited just makes that even worse for me, even when it should be fun or lighthearted. Overall I had fun, but I know I wasn’t at my best or socially graceful. It is a constant battle between wanting to be accepted and be more social, and a fear of failing and just not measuring up or fitting in. These thoughts are hard to ignore, it is just a given that I will be nervous, clumsy, and awkward. Confidence never has been, and most likely never will be my strong suit, I just can’t seem to find my size.
K
Still a Sucker for Romance
Despite not having had the best luck in the romance department, I am still a sucker for romance and love stories. That part of me has dwindled as of late, but I still hold on to what is left of it. Wanting what I seemingly can’t have is hard, but I guess a part of human nature. People who have it can’t quite comprehend the feelings when you are still out of luck in the romance department though, try as they might. Yes, they may have fought for what they have, they may have been trough the ringer, but once they stand on the other side shinning in the basking glow of love, that perspective shifts. It is just how it is, and I probably would be the same if it happened for me. It hasn’t yet, so I wrestle what my heart is feeling with what my head is saying to do.
K
Being Conservative, Politics, and Friends DO NOT MIX
After recently getting into a somewhat heavy political discussion with a friend I realize that politics, like religion, is best not discussed with friends when your opinions diverge from a common point of view. I particularly feel that when falling on the conservative side of the debate one better keep their mouth shut. I don’t think anyone necessarily means to make a person feel that way, but I have felt, at least in my experience, that the liberal view comes like an attack and not getting into it is probably best. I don’t feel I am a particularly judgmental person, but somehow my conservative leanings need to be questioned, dissected, and smacked around. It’s not that I don’t have an answer, or reason for my beliefs, it is just that the opposing view can’t seem to shake that somehow my opinion differs, and that I am not bringing the Western World down by not agreeing. I have never questioned and argued with someone the way that I have been interrogated before, this was far from the first time it has happened or the only person who has placed me in the hot seat. Take for example liberal celebrities that take award show moments to wax political, yes, it is often liberals who choose those moments for browbeating and chest-thumping their view, and their causes. I don’t know why liberals tend to be louder, and more aggressive, but as a conservative you cannot afford to be loud or aggressive it often seems, and must apologize for your views, because it is obviously wrong, crazy, and mixed-up . So, I conclude it is best to keep politics out of friendships, it just makes things more peaceful, despite political debate not being a bad thing, it just saves on frustration.
K
Expectations of Thirtysomethings
As I endure celebrate another birthday in what I am affectionately calling “The Dirty 30s” I realize the expectations placed on a woman in her 30s. As an unmarried, unattached woman of a certain age I do face particular expectations from people. It sometimes feels I am expected to be married with children and living a certain life. That is all well and good, but my life hasn’t taken that path for whatever reason, and I am becoming increasingly okay with that. I am making the most of my life, it is my life to live after all. I sadly have been hard on myself when I feel I am not measuring up, and that is something I resolve to stop. Comparing myself to others is only going to frustrate me, and letting others dictate the lens I view myself through is an exercise in futility. Are there things I wish I could make different, yes, but I can’t dwell on what isn’t, it is embracing what is that is what is important and the best way to live. So as I settle in with another candle on the birthday cake, that is adding more and more candles too fast now for my taste, I am learning to be okay with who I am and where I am at, no matter what anyone else wants or expects of me. So it is with great fanfare I wish myself a Happy Birthday in my Dirty 30s ;0)
K
krissyandthecity 